daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

(via thejezebelly)

roughness:

tune in tonight for another episode of “is he cute or just tall? am I lowering my standards out of desperation? am I doomed to roam the earth as a lonely, unloved wretch for eternity? would I fuck a 30 year old? would I fuck a broke 30 year old?”

(via uselesseyedeas)

ukeofspook:

how to kiss

  1. put your mouth on their mouth
  2. start screaming into their mouth until you pass out

(Source: nekodads, via nothings-forever-dude)